Forecast (By Super strong Beerwala)

The forecasts given below are purely for entertainment purposes and do not contain even a small dosage of seriousness. We take no responsibility for the consequences that may arise if you choose to follow our advice. However in the rare occasion that you happen to somehow benefit from these predictions please forward your cheques of Rs. 101 or more to our office. Our astrologer, Shri Super strong Beerwala, would greatly appreciate it.
The forecasts are in no particular order and one may be longer than the others to preserve their continuity.

Libra. Using complex chemical equations, I have found the best place for you to study. Studying at lat.38'11 and long46'13 would help you most in these exams. Geographically, this is somewhere in sub Saharan Africa. It's a little out of your way - but hey ! Stop complaining, success never came easy to anyone.

Pisces. This week travel is on the cards. It's a good time according to the stars so make that journey now. But hey ! You can't use any mode of transport apart form walking, and the distance you travel must be within 2 km or else something bad will happen. But it's a good time to travel anyway, so take a walk round your block. This is the best time.

Aries. Remember that mosquito you swatted this week, years ago? Well its payback time sweetie. That poor departed soul got reincarnated as a mathematics professor. So if you, or your child just gave a math exam this week, say bye bye to your marks !

Aquarius. There has been a very big gas leak on an alien chemical plant on Mars. And that, unfortunately, is the planet you are ruled by this week. So wherever you go, please carry an oxygen mask along. And whatever you do, don't light a match. The gas is inflammable.

Gemini. All those of you appearing for an exam anytime during the next three weeks or so must, at all costs, refrain from any sort of...aa.. well.. physical activity with the opposite sex. So no walking your respective boyfriends/girlfriends home. And no matter what this column says next week, this condition holds.

Leo. This is not a good time to cheat. While secret tapes and tehelka recordings are still hot, who knows, maybe your exam hall is being watched over. Try studying instead. A good time would be 2 to 4 am every Tuesday.